你的雅思小作文在考官心里其實是這樣的

在執(zhí)教雅思寫作的這些年中，我會發(fā)現(xiàn)，很多時候?qū)W生會從某某老師那里獲取種種所謂的“黃金模板”，又或者是高舉考前必備一本，視若雅思界的圣經(jīng)。而不去管什么“碰文”。而最最難過的卻是分數(shù)不給力，換個方式學(xué)吧，看看隔壁的“他”的作文中那些錯誤的背后是否隱藏了寫作的某些玄機。

請看下面這個小作文的開頭段，看似行文流水，實則欲哭無淚。

As can be seen from the table chart, it gives us the percentage of national consumer experience by category in 2002 in five different countries.

談及套句，小作文中“As can be seen from…”曾被列為小作文必備佳句，而孰不知此句雖好，但native speaker常把它放在主體段落開頭句。若論行文習(xí)慣，實在勉強。

再者，“tablechart”必會讓考官在批卷的疲勞中會心一笑。但是烤鴨們，不知啊，你讓他笑，他卻讓你人比黃花瘦，盡管他是那樣的愛你。此短語翻譯成中文叫“表格圖”，考生自是覺得挺有中國風(fēng)的感覺。但考官會認為是“這table就是表格，也就是圖的一種，還后面要是再加一chart，再來一圖。實為“blacksheep 一族”啊!南部陳更要翻譯成“表格圖圖”?實在是具有喜感啊!再論“us”一詞，感覺倒是親民派系， 考官考生一家人啊。

但是，雅思寫作，半學(xué)術(shù)文體，這詞總有點較為隨意。所以，寧為被動，隱去施動者，換成it can be seen ,或是it representsthat等句，或許會更好點?？忌顭o辜的地方就是下面的這個percentage。我們都知道，衣服表格不可能只有全圖一個數(shù)據(jù)，又怎會遺忘名詞單復(fù)數(shù)的問題呢?

最后那個“in 2002 in five differentcountries”，感覺起來好似是信息滿滿，不知道是否也是信心滿滿?語法老師告訴我們：當句子中同時有地點狀語和時間狀語時,一般要把地點狀語放在時間狀語之前。要知道，不走尋常路，那是考官的作風(fēng)。考生要是也這樣做，哭泣大于微笑。

基于上述段落的分析，不知道同學(xué)們是否也會有所收獲?其實開頭段，自是不必非得寫的那叫一個傾國傾城。簡單大方，信息全面，能夠統(tǒng)領(lǐng)全文，那就最好。你，懂得了嗎?

再看一篇問題作文。

People have, in recent years, shown concern on the dire consequences ofglobal warming and air pollution. Some people suggest that we should limit aretravel (traveling) instead of car use. It seems to me that the objection againstair travel is based on incorrect facts and stereotypes. (The) Vehicle is anintegral segment of urban industrial civilization, mirroring contemporary life,in its best and unrest aspects.

Just as machinery is integral to industrialization, air is central to worldeconomy. (有邏輯關(guān)系嗎?)Air travels make it possible for people to move around theworld freely and quickly.

Today, the tips can be completed in a matter of hours. One can attend ameeting in Pairs and dinner in New York the same day. There is a growingrecognition that air travels have several advantages,while(連接詞使用有誤，改成meanwhile)it can (補上主語) ensures(刪掉s)the growth of modernbusiness such as international tourism, transportation and express delivery,etc.

Therore, limiting air travel itself is a grave mistake，that(非限定從句引導(dǎo)詞改成which)would be a severe blow to these industries and may evendamage world economy.